So college is tough right? At 18 the pressures of parents or the appearance of time remaining can overwhelm the best and brightest. Now add in social obligations of organizational clubs with time commitment requirements and the lure of fun vs. that ten page term paper that hasn’t been started yet and its really a wonder as many people make it out of college with their sanity in tact. I am in my fourth year of being a non-traditional student. I have not worked but just a few months out of these four years. I received my funding through programs like Trade Act and WIA(workforce investment act) as well as traditional Pell grants and scholarships. I will be forty soon and have traveled the country to all most every state in the continental US.
While others were pursuing their academics after high school, I was pursuing the career of a lowly minimum wage factory worker. I dropped out when I was 16 and knew that my old school would not let me back in after attempting to do so once. I was at the factory for five years before I was fired for absenteeism. I was offered my job back immediately after they fired me but I told them to blow it out their A$%. I had recently kind of befriended the owner of local restaurant and I decided I was going to try Bar tending. Thankfully he agreed to give me try and I got the job. This lasted for around three years and after that I tried a hodgepodge of different low skill requirement jobs. Bar tending was by far the funnest job I ever had but the best job was a traveling salesman. It never failed me to find something better than what I already had. I left the great state of Misery (Missouri) and headed with my uncles to various venues across the country until one day in West Palm Beach Florida I was told that after our next venue (state fair) as they would no longer be needing my services as they were tired of traveling. Now what? I was a fish out water in a state with no connections and not enough money to sustain me until got something going. Head back to Misery? I don’t think so.
I talked to another vendor with a booth next to ours who had a pretty good operation going. They were corporate sponsors of the Florida State fair and had four different locations throughout the grounds for maximum exposure. I asked him if they needed help and he said yes they needed another district manager like him who was willing to spend lots of time on the road. I said I am your guy and started working for them the next week. The job lasted three years and the company went out of business. Misery was calling me home like a lost dog who missed his master and the comforts of home but the feeling of freedom and range conflicted with the calls causing hesitation and procrastination.
I was home. There was a desolate place in my heart now as all the things I left to get away from knew I had returned and insisted I make amends and put my comfy slippers back on and stay awhile. After three years of Hodge podge I found something decent but laborious at another factory. Three years later the company went out business. Now during my return I met my lovely wife and she gave me two beautiful daughters and two she already had with her. The idea of hodge podging was not in my thoughts of what now? I held my eyes on a prize that required sacrifices for all in our family. I decided to go to school. 20 years + out and decided my life needs a fresh injection of desire and ambition.
I am now nearing the end of another story in my life. What will happen? Was it all worth it? Will our children have to endure the struggles I did? Should I look at my past as a struggle? Our own personal cemeteries hold more bodies of decaying matter than oldest and largest cemeteries in the world. Some where there exist a bouquet of flowers freshly laid but frozen when found so as to hide some of their glory and if you really wanted to see them you had to share your life before they would show you what lies beyond cemeteries. They serve as a familiar guide but not a pair of slippers to provide security and complacency but a off ramp towards the future. Where do they come from? Why did I not notice as vividly before now? Freud says their are no coincidences and somewhere in the unconscious are the fears and apprehensions of those who choose not seek betterment for fear of harm to the psyche. They are the signs of your mark. Your contribution to society is ever changing and requires constant maintenance . My major accomplishment and mark have yet to be seen or perhaps by some reason my mark is not a single crowning glory or achievement but rather a vast collection of terrible and fantastic things meant to inform the world that all is well on the surface. but you will never know what lies beneath. Every thing you do leaves a mark. Some marks last forever but are not seen. Some marks only last a short time and are forgotten. Some marks cause pain while others inspire. What you put out returns to you in some form. When you leave a mark on someone or something it marks you as well. Did you create a masterpiece, or rather a back alley graffiti that contaminates those who see it? “Long is the rode to success and deep is the mark it leaves. Short is the path to submission and conformity and the mark left is like that of a trail left on the edge of beach “. me 2013